Thursday, November 7, 2013
16th Birthday
Had a good 16th birthday. Got Pokemon X(YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! Also apparently the game knows it's your birthday if you have your DS set, so if you go into the pokemon center, confetti shoots out and tiny pichus faces rain down on the screen. And then Nurse Joy tells you happy birthday and puts a cake up on the digital screen above her. Nice surprise) Also, got Hometown Story, the new game made by the Harvest Moon creators, it's pretty fun. My ribs at dinner weren't too great, but my birthday cake made up for it. Also, early birthday presents were my first laptop, and new leather boots. Had a really nice day. Still can't believe I'm 16 though.
Monday, September 23, 2013
A good day
Today was a genuinely good day. The first in a little while. Yesterday, I felt a bit bored, and unfulfilled because it was a really lazy day, and I felt gross from being sick. But today, I felt happy. Right now, I have a really good feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I'm glad I get to end this day on a good note.
As a recap for what I did today, I woke up, sat on the porch with my mom while she drank coffee, watched a documentary about beavers, watched Cowboy Bebop(Really silly, and really serious episodes respectively), caught up on youtube stuff(nigahiga, happileerin, and dodger), watched happileerin's NAMI walk livestream, watched Hetalia: World Series while eating dinner, and then got on my computer, talked to my brother when he got home from work, and now I'm typing this, going to read a bit, and go to bed.
Well anyway, how I ended up watching the livestream was because I had been keeping up with Happileerin's NAMI walk videos on youtube, and today she posted one about how they reached the $1000 dollar goal, and she would be doing the Q&A livestream she promised at 2pm PST.(If you don't know what the NAMI walk it, it's a fundraiser walk for people with mental disorders.) So I looked at the clock, it was 4:15pm EST. I still had about 45 minutes. So, I decided to go for it and joined in on the livestream. It really was the high light of my day. Usually, when I do those sorts of things, I barely talk, but this time I actually contributed to the conversations some, and Erin actually answered one of my questions. (Made me sooo happy!) Overall, it was just a great part of my day, and made me feel super happy, and I'm really glad I made the decision to watch it.
Having a good day every now and then, is always an amazing feeling.
As a recap for what I did today, I woke up, sat on the porch with my mom while she drank coffee, watched a documentary about beavers, watched Cowboy Bebop(Really silly, and really serious episodes respectively), caught up on youtube stuff(nigahiga, happileerin, and dodger), watched happileerin's NAMI walk livestream, watched Hetalia: World Series while eating dinner, and then got on my computer, talked to my brother when he got home from work, and now I'm typing this, going to read a bit, and go to bed.
Well anyway, how I ended up watching the livestream was because I had been keeping up with Happileerin's NAMI walk videos on youtube, and today she posted one about how they reached the $1000 dollar goal, and she would be doing the Q&A livestream she promised at 2pm PST.(If you don't know what the NAMI walk it, it's a fundraiser walk for people with mental disorders.) So I looked at the clock, it was 4:15pm EST. I still had about 45 minutes. So, I decided to go for it and joined in on the livestream. It really was the high light of my day. Usually, when I do those sorts of things, I barely talk, but this time I actually contributed to the conversations some, and Erin actually answered one of my questions. (Made me sooo happy!) Overall, it was just a great part of my day, and made me feel super happy, and I'm really glad I made the decision to watch it.
Having a good day every now and then, is always an amazing feeling.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Emptiness
Today it struck again. The empty feeling. It always feels like there is a big empty hole inside of me, and that nothing can fill it. It always passes after a few hours, but during those hours, I feel like a hollow empty shell of a person. I don't know what causes it, I just know that when it happens, I have trouble finding joy in anything. Even things that would normally make me happy.
The worst time it happened that I remember recently was after I finished the third book of the Infernal Devices series. I now realize that maybe those feeling of intense sadness not only had to do with being upset, that the series was over, but also me coming back into reality.
It could have even been the happy ending that put me in that mood. I often feel like that after finishing TV series, especially romances. It's probably because I wish so so badly that I could have a relationship like that. I want some one to find me beautiful, to sweep me off my feet, and love me like the couples in those stories. Why can't I have that? I probably never will even get close to having that. But I want it so fucking bad that it physically hurts. It wrenches my heart everytime I think about it.
Back to the feeling empty thing though. I guess that it could also be attributed to my lack of self confidence. I often never feel like what I do is good enough. I could've done better on that test, I could've written that better, I could have given better advice. It's never good enough. And then I purposefully say these things to the people I love, hoping they'll give me a compliment. Please god, just give me a compliment about those things. Raise my self confidence out of the ungodly pits of hell. I want it. I NEED it. To make this empty hole within me whole again.
The worst time it happened that I remember recently was after I finished the third book of the Infernal Devices series. I now realize that maybe those feeling of intense sadness not only had to do with being upset, that the series was over, but also me coming back into reality.
It could have even been the happy ending that put me in that mood. I often feel like that after finishing TV series, especially romances. It's probably because I wish so so badly that I could have a relationship like that. I want some one to find me beautiful, to sweep me off my feet, and love me like the couples in those stories. Why can't I have that? I probably never will even get close to having that. But I want it so fucking bad that it physically hurts. It wrenches my heart everytime I think about it.
Back to the feeling empty thing though. I guess that it could also be attributed to my lack of self confidence. I often never feel like what I do is good enough. I could've done better on that test, I could've written that better, I could have given better advice. It's never good enough. And then I purposefully say these things to the people I love, hoping they'll give me a compliment. Please god, just give me a compliment about those things. Raise my self confidence out of the ungodly pits of hell. I want it. I NEED it. To make this empty hole within me whole again.
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